Let's exchange the experience !

 And if I only could 
 Make a deal with God 
 And get him to swap our places . 


 It doesn't hurt me anymore , 
 You wanna feel how it feels ?
 You wanna hear about the deal I'm makin' ?


 I thought you don't wanna hurt me 
 But now you see how deep the bullet lies 
 You aware that I'm tearing you asunder ?


 You wanna know that it doesn't hurt me ? 
 You should always know that we're running for the same dreams . 
 You and me , how it was supposed to be ! :) 

About my dreams , nightmares and premonitions

Uneori am sentimentul ca visele pot deveni realitate si nu numai in filme / seriale etc adica in viatsa de zi cu zi . De obicei nu visez deci titlul ia o intorsatura in " About my premonitions " . Premunitiile mele sunt ingrozitor de precise ceea ce uneori ma sperie pentru ca nu sunt de genul " Am presimtirea ca maine voi manca omleta sau ca imi voi cumpara o cola ." Ele sunt de genul unui mic episod din viatsa mea sau legata de ea cumva si mereu la sfarsitul "episodul " cineva ajunge ranit . In realitate nu este mereu aceeasi persoana dar mereu ajunge ranit(sentimental,fizic,psihic) in exact acelasi fel . Asa ca as putea numi aceste premunitii niste imagini neclare din viitor . Poate suna tampit , nebunesc sau ca nu as fi sanatoasa , dar asa este .... Sa  va dau un exemplu ... : 

" Ma culcasem intr`o seara destul de devreme si nu eram obosita dar am adormit cu gandul la o persoana draga mie si in mod surprinzator am continuat s-o visez . Pana am ajuns la un fel de oaza impreuna cu respectivul si stateam langa izvor suspinand si admirand frumusetea noptii . 

-De obicei eu realizez cand visez sau nu si atunci stiam ca era un vis , de aceea eram total calma - 

La un moment dat am deschis ochii (in vis) si nu-l mai vazusem langa mine . Atunci m-am ridicat in graba si am inceput sa strig/urlu dupa el dar nici un raspuns cand dintr`o data auzisem un tunet si cand m-am intors in spate el statea langa un copac inconstient . Atunci m-am trezit ! " 

O data ce m-am trezit am respirat adanc si mi-am continuat rutina zilnica . Cand se facute seara realizasem ca eu trebuia sa ma intalnesc cu " x" si sa mergem la padure impreuna cu familia lui (o excursie planuita de mult cu cortul ) . Gandindu-ma la cosmarul meu am preferat sa-l refuz in a mai merge contramandand pe alta data . Desi nu mersesem aveam sentimentul ca ceva rau se va intampla chiar daca mintea mea refuza sa creada ca totul va fi in regula . Din pacate avusem drepatate si "x" exact in aceeasi seara iesise pana afara ( noaptea) si se impiedica-se de o creanga si cazuse cu capul de un copac imens ramanand inconstient pe parcursul noptii . 

Alt exemplu este atunci cand am visat trei zile acelasi lucru . In prima seara visasem o persoana otravita murind incet si chinuindu-se . In a doua seara am visat acelasi lucru dar alta persoana . Iar a treia seara m-am visat pe mine stand deasupra unui morman de pamant plangand si tipand de durere (mai mult sentimentala decat fizica dar simteam cum ma intepa pieptul de la plans ) .Dupa a treia seara , se facuse dimineata si cainele meu iesise afara cand s-a intors tusea si nu se simtea prea bine . Pe parcursul a trei zile vomita sange si  urina sange . A patra zi facuse hemoragie interna (din cauza unei otrave ) si a facut tratamente peste tratamente dar a murit inevitabil . Iar cea de-a treia seara cand visasem pamantul se intamplase in exatitate . 

Un alt exemplu ce nici acum nu a ajuns o premunitie este mai degraba in desfasurare sau sper ca doar un cosmar ! Este vorba de o camera intunecata parasita . Cu o culoare pala de un verde deschis  si un bec ce palpaie . In fiecare seara visez aceeasi imagine doar ca in fiecare seara devine din ce in ce mai detaliat .In ultimele seri am observat si un tablou familial format din 6 membri ( doi parinti [cred] trei copii [doi baieti si o fata ] si o pisica neagra cu ochi luminosi ) . 

TO BE CONTINUED !

Goodbye my almost Lover !

It's so hard to do

So hard to remember that ,

That everytime i see your face

it's hauting me

I guess it's so hard to say goodbye

So hard to belive

That I walk away from you ,

You, my almost lover .

Not every tear is sad

Not everyone makes me mad

i'm not a slave
I know ain't no rise up

But i Know He's the One

He makes me fail on everything :x .

Love Isnt' Blind It's Retarded .

There's a world where

Strangers are everywhere

There's a world where

We don't want to be afraid

Cuz' we aren't brave

The means creatures

Wants to kill us inside

Don't wanna be alone

A life with a vampire

I'm not alone

I'm not a stranger

In my perfect world

It's hurts so good

We`re cut like wood

I'm tired feelin' so numb

Feelin' so high in the bloody sky

With all the sintetic blood

They said " You owned us ! "

We aren't pupets , we are human beeing , breathing and suffering

With misery I gave up

And I was cut , it was a tinny papercut

And everything i had was gone

A paintfull shy

Colour glasses broke

And the mean sucker

Drawned me for all the blood.

I died inside , outside ,

I was empty , usless and mad myself

Studenly all i need

Was a cup of V drink

I was feelin' so God good !

It's hurts so good

Love wasnt' blind

It's Retarded

Inside my slow body

The emotions were so deep
And he make me sick of it .. !

Rain .

I want , i want , i want rain ...

I wanna sit in the rain and cold drops to flow over my body .

To feel cool and quiet rain on a summer night ,

To play on the streets somewhere where  nobody can see us ..

Where worries and thoughts in order to be able to cry as I want .

It can feel like living in this planet detached from the world , paralel to everything i was used to .

My own planet , beautiful voices and feelings created by my deep , my perfect brand of heroine .

Cuz' every night I'm talking to the moon ,

Nothing can compare to that night , the only life we have contained in a hole detached from pure agony . reality  .

I want , i want ,  i want you just for me , close to my heart , you may feel lost and cold to rain , tears Lord , tears of ours sweet / bitter memories that i won't forget for the rest of my life .

Maybe you remember me once again and I loved you the most  , you were my life , my breath

But far away all my dreams, to be us again were destroyed only by a tear that now is descending slowly to my bloody lips and

 All , all , all is gone forever  .

Feelings

About my feelings , hmm... I'm not used to it .. i don't know how it works , I'm not hurt , happy but I feel like I was cut . Sincerily i really don't know how to explain , i'll do my best  .
I belive in love , blind love  , I'm not a stranger , I feel like it was yesterday . I'm not afraid , I don't wanna be alone , sometimes I feel miserable or disgusted .
I have no one to belive in me like you do , or suport me , everything kills me inside . I wish I could make all my pain just go away , but .... I just can't , I`m not stronger enough . I don't belive in me and sometimes I guess I dont't deserve a chance for life but here I am , standing right in front of my computer , and writing all my suffer and I know that isn't helping me  but I still waiting my sunshine . 
Wish to sun rise , but the strom won't leave and I have no clue how to make it stop . I'm gooing down , down , down ,deeper and deeper and I don't wanna hear that sound , I thought I could fly but my winds are broken , I always fall down ... in a miserable black hole , crying and starving for love .

 I really wish to be a dream and this morning i'll wake up and smile for a new life , style life , But i have to suport my own nightmare ! 

The Strange Story of Jim Carter !

                  There is a story that need to be known,told us Carrie. Carrie Mithell is a reporter and her husband Jim Carter is dead. She 's 26 years old , when Jim died had 21 like Carrie.

      This thing is really strange because Jim died long time ago in 2006. His death’s cause is still unknown. Nobody knows if he was murdered or was just a simple suicide.

     Carrie always found a reason to avoide this subject but now something happened. She comes to Mac Tayson to tell him about the true reason of Jim`s death.... that she think.

      Mac Tayson is the type of guy seriosly but nice and good person. He`s job is really hardly , he is a criminalist investigator and he knows how to make good  justice.

-Good morning , Carrie, nice to see you again. How are you?

-Oh, Mac... I’m very confused because ..... it’s something I want to tell you about Jimmy.

-Ok , tell me but in a few minutes because now I’m gooing to bring his file.

-I’m waiting you , said Carrie.

  After twelve minutes Mac returns to Carrie and he starts to read Jim`s file.

„Jim Carter was extremely good and nicely person with a pronounced sense of houmer.

He died in thirteen march on Friday of 2006. Jim was found dead in front of his house buried in a sea of grass lawn. ”

When Mac finished to read the file he sat down and thought about this case , and something shown up in his mind. He rememberd another cases like that and this one was case 37.

-This is impossible , said Mac worryed.

-What happend? Is something wrong?

-No , Carrie please now I have work to do . Can you tell me later?

-Of , ok if you want .... I will come back in three days.

-That’s perfect Carrie , thanks ! We keep in touch.

-Fine Mac , see you later, good-bye!

-Have a nice day .

   Carrie is leaving the room and she is gooing to her house.  Two days later Mac faind a folder with all casses when the victims were buried in grass in front of their house and with all circumstances.

Mac analyse all the cases and he realized the key point  and he call Carrie .  

 -Carrie, it’s Mac , come to me how early you can ! and the voice mail stops..

Carrie was at a shopmarkt , she arrived home and listened the voice mail.

When she heard Mac`s voice , she got scared and dazed .Two minutes later she go she go to Mac .

 To be continued.