My Playlist

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Let's exchange the experience !

 And if I only could 
 Make a deal with God 
 And get him to swap our places . 

 It doesn't hurt me anymore , 
 You wanna feel how it feels ?
 You wanna hear about the deal I'm makin' ?

 I thought you don't wanna hurt me 
 But now you see how deep the bullet lies 
 You aware that I'm tearing you asunder ?

 You wanna know that it doesn't hurt me ? 
 You should always know that we're running for the same dreams . 
 You and me , how it was supposed to be ! :) 

Thursday, July 21, 2011

About my dreams , nightmares and premonitions

Uneori am sentimentul ca visele pot deveni realitate si nu numai in filme / seriale etc adica in viatsa de zi cu zi . De obicei nu visez deci titlul ia o intorsatura in " About my premonitions " . Premunitiile mele sunt ingrozitor de precise ceea ce uneori ma sperie pentru ca nu sunt de genul " Am presimtirea ca maine voi manca omleta sau ca imi voi cumpara o cola ." Ele sunt de genul unui mic episod din viatsa mea sau legata de ea cumva si mereu la sfarsitul "episodul " cineva ajunge ranit . In realitate nu este mereu aceeasi persoana dar mereu ajunge ranit(sentimental,fizic,psihic) in exact acelasi fel . Asa ca as putea numi aceste premunitii niste imagini neclare din viitor . Poate suna tampit , nebunesc sau ca nu as fi sanatoasa , dar asa este .... Sa  va dau un exemplu ... : 
" Ma culcasem intr`o seara destul de devreme si nu eram obosita dar am adormit cu gandul la o persoana draga mie si in mod surprinzator am continuat s-o visez . Pana am ajuns la un fel de oaza impreuna cu respectivul si stateam langa izvor suspinand si admirand frumusetea noptii . 
-De obicei eu realizez cand visez sau nu si atunci stiam ca era un vis , de aceea eram total calma - 
La un moment dat am deschis ochii (in vis) si nu-l mai vazusem langa mine . Atunci m-am ridicat in graba si am inceput sa strig/urlu dupa el dar nici un raspuns cand dintr`o data auzisem un tunet si cand m-am intors in spate el statea langa un copac inconstient . Atunci m-am trezit ! " 
O data ce m-am trezit am respirat adanc si mi-am continuat rutina zilnica . Cand se facute seara realizasem ca eu trebuia sa ma intalnesc cu " x" si sa mergem la padure impreuna cu familia lui (o excursie planuita de mult cu cortul ) . Gandindu-ma la cosmarul meu am preferat sa-l refuz in a mai merge contramandand pe alta data . Desi nu mersesem aveam sentimentul ca ceva rau se va intampla chiar daca mintea mea refuza sa creada ca totul va fi in regula . Din pacate avusem drepatate si "x" exact in aceeasi seara iesise pana afara ( noaptea) si se impiedica-se de o creanga si cazuse cu capul de un copac imens ramanand inconstient pe parcursul noptii . 
Alt exemplu este atunci cand am visat trei zile acelasi lucru . In prima seara visasem o persoana otravita murind incet si chinuindu-se . In a doua seara am visat acelasi lucru dar alta persoana . Iar a treia seara m-am visat pe mine stand deasupra unui morman de pamant plangand si tipand de durere (mai mult sentimentala decat fizica dar simteam cum ma intepa pieptul de la plans ) .Dupa a treia seara , se facuse dimineata si cainele meu iesise afara cand s-a intors tusea si nu se simtea prea bine . Pe parcursul a trei zile vomita sange si  urina sange . A patra zi facuse hemoragie interna (din cauza unei otrave ) si a facut tratamente peste tratamente dar a murit inevitabil . Iar cea de-a treia seara cand visasem pamantul se intamplase in exatitate . 
Un alt exemplu ce nici acum nu a ajuns o premunitie este mai degraba in desfasurare sau sper ca doar un cosmar ! Este vorba de o camera intunecata parasita . Cu o culoare pala de un verde deschis  si un bec ce palpaie . In fiecare seara visez aceeasi imagine doar ca in fiecare seara devine din ce in ce mai detaliat .In ultimele seri am observat si un tablou familial format din 6 membri ( doi parinti [cred] trei copii [doi baieti si o fata ] si o pisica neagra cu ochi luminosi ) . 


Monday, February 7, 2011

Goodbye my almost Lover !

It's so hard to do
So hard to remember that ,
That everytime i see your face
it's hauting me
I guess it's so hard to say goodbye
So hard to belive
That I walk away from you ,
You, my almost lover .
Not every tear is sad
Not everyone makes me mad
i'm not a slave
I know ain't no rise up
But i Know He's the One
He makes me fail on everything :x .

Love Isnt' Blind It's Retarded .

There's a world where
Strangers are everywhere
There's a world where
We don't want to be afraid
Cuz' we aren't brave
The means creatures
Wants to kill us inside
Don't wanna be alone
A life with a vampire

I'm not alone
I'm not a stranger
In my perfect world
It's hurts so good
We`re cut like wood

I'm tired feelin' so numb
Feelin' so high in the bloody sky
With all the sintetic blood
They said " You owned us ! "
We aren't pupets , we are human beeing , breathing and suffering
With misery I gave up
And I was cut , it was a tinny papercut
And everything i had was gone
A paintfull shy
Colour glasses broke
And the mean sucker
Drawned me for all the blood.
I died inside , outside ,
I was empty , usless and mad myself
Studenly all i need
Was a cup of V drink
I was feelin' so God good !
It's hurts so good
Love wasnt' blind
It's Retarded
Inside my slow body
The emotions were so deep
And he make me sick of it .. !

Rain .

I want , i want , i want rain ...
I wanna sit in the rain and cold drops to flow over my body .
To feel cool and quiet rain on a summer night ,
To play on the streets somewhere where  nobody can see us ..
Where worries and thoughts in order to be able to cry as I want .
It can feel like living in this planet detached from the world , paralel to everything i was used to .
My own planet , beautiful voices and feelings created by my deep , my perfect brand of heroine .
Cuz' every night I'm talking to the moon ,
Nothing can compare to that night , the only life we have contained in a hole detached from pure agony . reality  .
I want , i want ,  i want you just for me , close to my heart , you may feel lost and cold to rain , tears Lord , tears of ours sweet / bitter memories that i won't forget for the rest of my life .
Maybe you remember me once again and I loved you the most  , you were my life , my breath
But far away all my dreams, to be us again were destroyed only by a tear that now is descending slowly to my bloody lips and
 All , all , all is gone forever  .

Saturday, February 5, 2011


About my feelings , hmm... I'm not used to it .. i don't know how it works , I'm not hurt , happy but I feel like I was cut . Sincerily i really don't know how to explain , i'll do my best  .
I belive in love , blind love  , I'm not a stranger , I feel like it was yesterday . I'm not afraid , I don't wanna be alone , sometimes I feel miserable or disgusted .
I have no one to belive in me like you do , or suport me , everything kills me inside . I wish I could make all my pain just go away , but .... I just can't , I`m not stronger enough . I don't belive in me and sometimes I guess I dont't deserve a chance for life but here I am , standing right in front of my computer , and writing all my suffer and I know that isn't helping me  but I still waiting my sunshine . 
Wish to sun rise , but the strom won't leave and I have no clue how to make it stop . I'm gooing down , down , down ,deeper and deeper and I don't wanna hear that sound , I thought I could fly but my winds are broken , I always fall down ... in a miserable black hole , crying and starving for love .

 I really wish to be a dream and this morning i'll wake up and smile for a new life , style life , But i have to suport my own nightmare ! 

The Strange Story of Jim Carter !

                  There is a story that need to be known,told us Carrie. Carrie Mithell is a reporter and her husband Jim Carter is dead. She 's 26 years old , when Jim died had 21 like Carrie.
      This thing is really strange because Jim died long time ago in 2006. His death’s cause is still unknown. Nobody knows if he was murdered or was just a simple suicide.
     Carrie always found a reason to avoide this subject but now something happened. She comes to Mac Tayson to tell him about the true reason of Jim`s death.... that she think.
      Mac Tayson is the type of guy seriosly but nice and good person. He`s job is really hardly , he is a criminalist investigator and he knows how to make good  justice.

-Good morning , Carrie, nice to see you again. How are you?
-Oh, Mac... I’m very confused because ..... it’s something I want to tell you about Jimmy.
-Ok , tell me but in a few minutes because now I’m gooing to bring his file.
-I’m waiting you , said Carrie.
  After twelve minutes Mac returns to Carrie and he starts to read Jim`s file.

„Jim Carter was extremely good and nicely person with a pronounced sense of houmer.
He died in thirteen march on Friday of 2006. Jim was found dead in front of his house buried in a sea of grass lawn. ”
When Mac finished to read the file he sat down and thought about this case , and something shown up in his mind. He rememberd another cases like that and this one was case 37.
-This is impossible , said Mac worryed.
-What happend? Is something wrong?
-No , Carrie please now I have work to do . Can you tell me later?
-Of , ok if you want .... I will come back in three days.
-That’s perfect Carrie , thanks ! We keep in touch.
-Fine Mac , see you later, good-bye!
-Have a nice day .
   Carrie is leaving the room and she is gooing to her house.  Two days later Mac faind a folder with all casses when the victims were buried in grass in front of their house and with all circumstances.
Mac analyse all the cases and he realized the key point  and he call Carrie .  
 -Carrie, it’s Mac , come to me how early you can ! and the voice mail stops..
Carrie was at a shopmarkt , she arrived home and listened the voice mail.
When she heard Mac`s voice , she got scared and dazed .Two minutes later she go she go to Mac .
 To be continued.

Friday, February 4, 2011

Same Old Regrets .

 I would have died in your arms, if you do not lose myself
I would have to kill myself just for the simple fact that I love you
I could do absolutely anything for you,
But you really could?

I am sick of you
How you treat  me
I am sick of you're face, your fake smile and
You're empty words and you're stupid reasons!
So Fuck you, and go to hell  my sweety boy !

Can't Be Friends

I believed you when you lied
I forgave when you  wrong ...
But you could kick them all odds
Now it's too late
I’m not  here to forgive you(but I still have that thing for you )
Scream because you lost me !

Addicted to Fangs :x

Come closer to me, lover of blood
Taste my fluids , you Fangs.
Have fun with every piece of my body
Prefer it if there is only chemistry
Enjoy with great desire EVERYTHING!
Make me your favorite toy, your bag of blood. Let me become your favorite tOyfriend , till' you throw me .
Make me that I remember every minute of my life, fragile,
To feel your passion through me, to feel you deep inside me, deep increasingly deeper.

No Sense

Se trezi speriata , in mangaierea unor maini aspre si lascive .
   Susan Walker deschise instinctiv ochii si vazu intr-o strafulgerarea ametitoare camera din jurul ei: imaginea propriei carni expuse in petice pe dedesubtul ciorapilor rupti , o mana nedorita ce i se plimba pe gamba ... isi stranse imediat ploapele . 
Nu putea suporta sa priveasca scena din care facea parte . Tanara simti palmele ce-i pipaiau trupul si se smuci scarbita , dar legaturile erau neinduplecate si , la cea mai mica miscare , ii zdreleau amarnic incheieturile mainilor si gleznele deja julite . Isi stapani durerea inlemninid brusc, moment in care ii scapa printre buze un geamat de protesc.Acceptase de mult ca nu mai are scapare.
 Susan auzi dintr-odata msucari in stanga ei-pasi, tarsaituri si scrijelituri-,dar nu deschise ochii sa vada ce se intampla.Dupa imaginea de mai devreme, n-ar fi vrut pentru nimic in lume sa mai vada ceva. 
 Mainile revenira asupra ei, iar duhoarea de mascul-izul depravarii-ii asalta brusc narale.Se incorda, se retrase, se impotrivi metalului ce ii strangea incheieturile si gleznele, simtindu-si carnea cum urla indurerata.Voia cu disperare sa dispara, sa nu-si mai simta corpul , sa scape din ferecarea acestuia.Nu mai vroia sa simta, sa auda, sa miroasa ori sa guste si sa vada - niciodata.Reusi pentru cateva clipe sa-si paralizeze simturile si se ruga sa se afla intr-o cu totul alta lume...
Dintr-odata, veni un soi de usurare.Mainile rapitorului coborara deasupra ciorapilor sfasiati si dupa cateva clinchete metalice ii eliberara gleznele din stransoarea catuselor.
 Posibilitatea evadarii ii facea insa si mai mult rau.
 Oare o sa-mi dea in sfarsit drumul?! Incheieturile mainilor ii erau in continuare prinse strans in spatele scaunului , dar, din fericire, acum isi putea indoi genunchii. Tanjea sa-si intinda picioarele-sa se ridice, sa topaie, sa-si dezmorteasca si sa-si maseze muschii-dar, in mod reflex,nu facu altceva decat sa-si incruciseze coapsele.
Cat sa fie ceasul?
Ce zi?
De cata vreme statea legata pe acel scaun metalic ? Sa fi trecut mai multe zile? Patruzeci si opt de ore.Sau doar o zi si-o noapte? Mintea ii era incetosata si inceata. Oricat de mult s-ar fi straduit sa se concentreze, pur si simplu nu-si amintea cum, ori de ce a ajuns acolo.
Sentimentul de usurare reaparu imediat ce-si simti bratele descatusate. Individul insa nu-si lasa posibilitatea sa se miste in voie si o impinse violent in fata, apasandu-si puternic piptul pe genunchi. Fata isi trecu bratele pe sub coapse si se gemui strans, tinandu-si in continuare ochii inchisi.Corpul o durea cumplit din pricina captivitatii, dar miscarea ii mai destinse putin spatele, o relaxare binevenita pnetru muschii crispati ai trupului.
 INsa relaxarea nu dura mult.
 Fiind foarte slabita, nu s-a putut opune aproape deloc in momentul cand bratele i-au fost trase in spate si incheieturile i-au fost din nou incatusate, la fel de brutal ca inainte.
 I se ceru sa se ridice.
 Susan nu se misca.
 -Iti jur, nu voi spune nimanui.Te rog, da-mi drumul, il implora ea, bolborosind cuvintele asa chircita cum era , nemiscata, in aceeasi pozitie defensiva .

~ Advise for Everyone ~

It is sad to love someone and that person to leave, to let you pool
Sometimes you need more brave to face all this pain but you get up
Please imagine how awful it is to live without someone you love
Just imagine, do not cry, live life, enjoy all
Do not let anything let you down!